life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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