remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize