You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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