I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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