There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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