JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
