ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
