So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
