i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
