dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
