There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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