He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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