My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
