i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
