oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
