I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
