once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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