life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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