Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Girls should come with a carfax report
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
