i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
