They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
