So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
