She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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