Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
