I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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