I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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