HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
