New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
