The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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