I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
