That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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