Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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