I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize