I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
