I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize