you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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