I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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