had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
