you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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