Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
