I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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