i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
