My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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