Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
