her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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