it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
