i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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