I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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