Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Come on in and take your pants off
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