i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
