Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
