oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
