pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am one with the molecules
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
