tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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