I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize