she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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