ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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