Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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