how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
