the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
