me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
