So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
