I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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