I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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