If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
