a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
