you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
