Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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