The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
