What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
