Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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