He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How external is "for external use only"?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
