remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
