Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
