Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
