you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
