When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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