in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
