as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sext me about skeletons
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
