Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so let's talk penis.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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