Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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