carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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