sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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