WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
