how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
