Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
