you guys were way drunker than both of me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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