I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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