God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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