my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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