I just made out with a guy for $7.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
