I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
