I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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