Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
