dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
