I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
