Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
