we have officially lost it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
