Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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