I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will be naked everywhere
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
