It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
