Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
