The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize