My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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