I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
