I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's shark week go big or go home
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
