I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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