i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
