Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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