yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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