we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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