Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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